


Rekindle

by Erestorandfin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s05e10 Counterpoint, F/M, Minor canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:33:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29208159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erestorandfin/pseuds/Erestorandfin
Summary: The cold expanse of Devore space looms in front of Voyager, its militant occupants threatening the safety of her crew, and the telepaths she agreed to shelter. Though success is uncertain, Kathryn knows she will do whatever it takes to shift the balance in their favour.Companion piece to 'A Hotter Touch' from Chakotay and Kathryn's perspective.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway/Kashyk
Comments: 191
Kudos: 71





	1. Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my wonderful Beta Mary S for her tireless work :) 
> 
> The initial idea for this story was inspired by 'One Night' by Christina Perri, however it rapidly grew out of control and moved beyond the initial concept. I might periodically mention other songs which also inspired certain parts as I post the chapters :)

I feel the way you want me   
I see that you are lonely   
If you could I know you'd leave with me   
It's more than curiosity   
And I've never longed for winter   
Until your presence made me shiver   
Untethered you'd be better   
If you'd only come with me 

One night   
I will be the moon   
Hanging over you   
Spilling all over your body   
Covering all your wounds 

One night   
I will be the star   
Falling where you are   
Swimming in the deep of my love   
Filling your empty heart 

One night 

You've come so close to tasting   
Now my innocence is breaking   
Like the ocean in a perfect storm   
It makes me want you even more   
And I've never been so jealous   
I've never felt so helpless   
So out of breath and hungry for you 

*** 

She opened the door, and stopped in her tracks, clearly not expecting to see him there. 

“What is it, Chakotay?” 

Chakotay couldn’t remember the last time she had looked at him so coldly, as though his presence was thoroughly unwanted. Their usually close and open relationship had become significantly strained since they’d entered Devoran space, so he shouldn’t have been surprised by her frosty welcome. But he continued undeterred, determined to get the answers he sought. 

“I need to speak to you. Can I come in?” 

“Chakotay, not tonight. I’ll see you in the morning; surely it can wait until then?”

“No, it can’t.” While anyone else would have stepped back in response as he moved forward as though she had welcomed him in, she held her ground, body obstinately blocking entry, making him stop just short of contact. He couldn’t resist flicking his eyes over her shoulders and into her quarters, though he could see nothing of interest. It appeared she was alone, at the moment anyway. 

Her eyes narrowed indignantly at his indiscretion. 

“Whatever goes on in my quarters when I am off duty is none of your business, Chakotay. Unless you have legitimate reason to believe something in there is likely to endanger the ship, I would suggest you leave before your behaviour crosses the line from inappropriate to insubordinate. If I have to make it an order, you will regret it.” 

“And if I do believe that, Kathryn? What if I believe your judgement is impaired? You cannot trust him, and usually, you would be able to see that. What is it about him that has you so blinded to reality? Are your own interests really worth the risk to Voyager?” 

Kathryn couldn’t pretend his words didn’t cut deeply, to think that he could believe she would risk endangering a single member of their crew merely to sate her own desires. She wanted to tell him he should know her better, but then she would open herself to further questioning. She had tried her best to limit his awareness of the situation, attempting to protect him from the hurt he would feel if he knew what she was planning to do. 

But she could hardly deny she had played the part the way he’d painted her, had flirted and acted as though she was thoroughly taken in by the dark inspector. What else could he have been expected to think? 

And really, was it worse for him to believe she might have developed feelings for Kashyk than to know the reality? 

If anything, her silence only aggravated him further, reminding him of the lack of communication between the two of them since the Devore arrived. 

“From the start, you have been avoiding me, trying to make sure I don’t see you together. Do you think I don’t know how you have been acting, that if you don’t speak to me you can pretend nothing is going on? I know what it is you seek, and you know I can give it to you. You don’t have to take risks like this to try and find what you are missing, the only thing holding you back is yourself and your misguided sense of duty. Now, you are perfectly entitled to fuck whoever you want, but when you choose someone who so clearly threatens _our_ crew, that’s when it becomes my business. I would never have believed I would have to have this conversation with you, that you could be so utterly selfish as to ignore the danger right in front of you.” 

Chakotay knew the moment he opened his mouth that he shouldn’t have said any of it, but it just poured out. He had come here because his instincts, his deep understanding of her, had told him there was something else going on here. But from the moment he arrived, he had gone on the offensive instead of trying to understand, letting his jealousy run uncontrolled in a subconscious attempt to hurt her the way he was hurting. 

Taking a deep breath, he forced the jealousy down, and looked at her properly, the way that always made her feel like he could see right through her, his fingers tilting her face up to meet his gaze. He had expected to see anger, to see the fire that signalled he had pushed her too far, but her eyes were worryingly empty. Whatever it was she was feeling, she was holding it back, refusing to let herself be swayed by her emotions. But she was leaning forward, so slightly it was almost undetectable, instinctively bringing them closer together, though he was almost certain she was unaware of doing it. A sharp throb in his chest reminded him once more how wrong everything about this felt, and he softened. 

“Please, Kathryn. I know how you feel about me, don’t deny it. You know my heart is yours. Please, come with me. Don’t stay here and wait for him.” 

As he spoke, for a split second her mask broke, a grimace of agony crossing her face, as though he had mortally wounded her. Despite her ability to play whatever role was needed, there was one person who always seemed to find the right words to break through every wall she threw up, and it was him. Regaining control quickly, she hoped her momentary lapse had escaped his notice. But he was well used to reading her, to picking up on her tiniest signals, and it was evident on his face that his mind was quickly processing this new information she had let slip. Despite her best efforts, it would not take him long before he worked it out. 

As expected, a moment later Chakotay’s eyes widened suddenly as he finally understood. Her secrecy and silence had not been about her desire to avoid conflict with him, but rather to protect him from what he didn’t, couldn’t understand. Her cold greeting when he unexpectedly confronted her – a last attempt to shield him from what she was going to do. 

“This… was never about you, was it, Kathryn?” 

“Please, Chakotay. Don’t do this, not now. There is so much more at stake than you and me, we don’t have the luxury of freedom. You have to trust me, and put aside your own feelings for now.” Somehow her voice was calm and level, words given as firmly as any command she might issue on the bridge. As though she was talking about a task she completed every day, and not something with the potential to leave them both with emotional scars. 

“Kathryn…” A desperate plea of misery, for her, for him, for where they found themselves. 

Her hand came to his shoulder, a gesture she had bestowed upon him many times before, familiar in its comfort and reassurance. However, she seemed to feel that this time, it was not enough, for either of them. With a deep breath, she pressed her other hand to his chest, letting it rest there for a moment, holding firm as she felt the quickened beating under her palm. Their eyes met, and even though he could tell she was no happier than him at the situation, she looked at him unwaveringly, her calm confidence washing over him despite his distress. As always, promising him everything was under control, that it would be okay. 

“We do _whatever_ we have to, Chakotay. For them.” 

The burning over his heart where she had touched him remained as she pulled back, and he knew there was no point protesting further. Watching her turn from him, retreating back into her quarters felt like the worst thing he had ever done, knowing there was nothing he could do to help her except follow her wishes. He knew she didn’t need his protection, was more than capable of looking after herself, but every part of him was crying out to do _something_. Of course, her fierce independence would probably ensure Kathryn would kick him out of the nearest airlock if he did; she had clearly indicated her position, and what she expected of him. The situation Voyager had found itself in was fraught with danger, and he knew she wouldn’t be taking this road if she didn’t have to. 

It had been bad enough to imagine them together, to think that she wanted Kashyk, though he had told himself he knew her too well to believe that to be the case. But it was no comfort to find out his instinct had been correct, only to be powerless to do anything about it. He wished he could say he had never envisioned circumstances like this, but the truth was, he had always known she would do anything to get Voyager home safely. 


	2. Guilt

Many hours passed but sleep remained out of his reach. It was impossible to get the thought of what was happening out of his mind, the endless questions with answers he didn’t want to hear. 

Would  Kashyk remove his gloves to touch her, to feel the softness and warmth he knew she possessed? 

Would Kathryn moan for him the way he knew she could, the way she had with him so long ago in their private paradise? 

Would he explore her body, drive her to distraction by finding and tasting every sweet spot, or merely fuck her ruthlessly, try to break her with his roughness? 

He smiled bitterly. If  Kashyk chose that route, he would not succeed. There was a reason she preferred men like him. Dangerous men. Her petite body might appear misleadingly fragile underneath her  Starfleet armour, but her spirit was wild, and infrangible. As with all aspects of her life, she strove to rise above every challenge, desperate to be pushed to her limits, knowing that there lay the thrill and excitement of being alive. 

It should be some comfort to know she had undoubtedly faced worse, but he lived in fear that one day something would go wrong, that it was only a matter of time before they  encountered a situation that  even she could not overcome. 

The image of her face contorting in agony as he pleaded with her flooded his mind, and he suddenly understood that if her fall came, it wouldn’t be brought about by  Kashyk or the Imperium, or any of the limitless figureheads out here that sought to bend her to their will. As she always did, she would emerge unscathed, leaving them ruing their attempts to tangle with her as they tried to reassemble their fractured egos. No, if it came, it would be by his own hands. Almost invulnerable though  she might be,  she had entrusted him with the only breakable part of her. He was the one who knew exactly how to cause real pain, and though he hadn’t intended to, he had done so mercilessly. 

In his  anger, he  had accused her of putting her own needs above the ship, despite knowing  she would give her life, give everything she was rather  than risk anyone on Voyager. And to try and reduce what was between them to only the ability to meet each other's physical needs did no justice to the connection they shared. It might be something they both wanted, but what she needed from him was more important than that. Usually, she would have shared her concerns and options with him, but she had felt compelled to protect him, choosing instead to bear the burden alone. She had needed her best friend, the person she could trust with anything, and since  Kashyk had arrived, he hadn’t been that for her, too consumed by his own feelings to see what was really happening. 

This realisation was devastating , drowning out all other thoughts until all he could see was her misery. Filled with disgust at how easy it had been to believe the worst of someone he knew as well as he knew himself. Unsure if she would ever forgive him for  what he’d  said, for doubting her, and even less sure if he deserved forgiveness at all. 

Lost in his despair, he didn’t hear his door chime. Didn’t hear it open a few minutes later when he didn’t respond. 

The padding of her bare feet over the floor was almost silent, and he was unaware of her presence until he felt the covers lift, the bed dipping slightly as her small form slid in beside him. Her scent washed over him, bright and fresh, and he could see her hair was still slightly damp. She didn’t say anything, but pressed back against him, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her as close as he could. Her skin felt cold against him, her tank and pants too little to afford proper protection against the cool air. Rubbing her arms, he tried to encourage blood flow to her exposed limbs, sharing his warmth with her. 

After what had happened, this was the last thing he had expected. Kathryn usually guarded the personal parts of  herself so  tightly, refusing to let any weaknesses show, but he was indescribably grateful she had come. She wasn’t showing any appearance of distress, but  then, she rarely did. However, the  fact that she had come let him know that somehow, her trust in him was unbroken, that she wanted him to know she did still need him. 

Her soft sigh reached his ears, and he could feel her apprehension, the rigidity in her body, despite the confidence she was projecting. This, he thought, was the closest he had ever come to seeing fear from her. It was clear that she held herself fully responsible for their situation, didn’t blame him for his  anger, indeed  had expected it, and perhaps worse. But despite this, despite not knowing how he would react,  she had come anyway, willing to face his wrath again simply because neither of them would be able to live with things broken between them. 

“I’m sorry,  Chakotay .” 

“You shouldn't be, not after how I behaved. Not after what I said. Neither of us want to  be in this situation , but I haven’t made it any easier. I’m so sorry. For hurting you. For making you feel you had to do this on your own. You should always feel you can come to me, even if I don’t like what you have to say. ” 

Silence fell again as she tried to find the right words to make him understand, to ensure he knew what he was getting into if he chose to walk this path with her. 

“We still have a long way to go before it’s over, before we are out of their space. It’s not going to get easier, Chakotay.” 

The tension drained from her as she felt his hand find hers, entwining their fingers together without hesitation, and she gratefully squeezed back. 

“My feelings for you haven’t changed,  Chakotay , I still love you with all my heart. I hope you know that, even though I haven’t been able to tell you.” 

He couldn’t reply, overwhelmed to hear her once  again say something  he had feared would live only in his memory.  So he pulled  her even tighter into his embrace, trying to show her without words exactly how important she was to him. Both mentally exhausted, they spoke no more, thinking of nothing but of how it felt to finally be so close to one another again. 

Breathing deeply,  Chakotay finally slipped into sleep, arm holding her tightly to him, as though he would never let her go. Their situation was far from perfect, but whatever happened, they were in this together.


	3. Resolution

The feeling of waking wrapped in his arms was something she had grown unaccustomed to, but she had to admit she had missed it. He had always been able to make her feel at one with the world, connected in a way she didn’t feel anywhere else. 

It had never been her plan to come here. In all honesty, she had tried her best to push Chakotay as far from her mind as she could last night, not that she had had any more success than she did any other day. But when he came to her yesterday, she could see his heart was breaking as she sent him away, and despite her best efforts, her own heart had responded, steadfastly refusing to be quieted again. More than anything, she had wanted to leave with him when he confronted her, but she had long since reached the understanding that her life was not her own out here. The divide between what she wanted and what Voyager needed was brutal, and often in direct conflict. When forced to choose, there was only one way it could go. 

It had been excruciating to redefine their relationship following their return from New Earth, to continue their friendship while leaving behind their ability to acknowledge the love between them. Only through enormous effort on both their parts had they managed to come through it stronger, clinging tightly to the trust shared between them, each essential to the other’s functions in a way they didn’t dare to define. Though they hid behind the strong bond of friendship, it was clear to them both that just under the surface, their love was unchanged. Each living for the only ways left to them to show their true feelings. The reassuring touches, barely longer than what was appropriate, reluctantly ended before anyone but them noticed. The half-concealed looks and caught gazes, heated eyes behind their masks of professionalism. Their almost too close interactions, prolonged as long as possible and broken only with great force, the heavy drag of their bodies easing apart, feeling as though fragments of each were being left behind with the other. 

It might have been agony, but at least they had found a way to survive, to continue together with the hope of someday. They had had differences of opinion, of course, but whatever they had faced, they had done so together, sharing and discussing until eventually they reached a place of agreement. Until now, they had always managed to remain undivided. Until now, she had concealed nothing from him. 

After Kashyk had left, she had sat alone in her quarters for a long time, barely noticing as cold stole over her, deep in her own thoughts. She didn’t allow herself to feel regret for her actions; she was used to having to make these sorts of choices, where the cost of success was usually at the sacrifice of something else. It wasn’t as though Kashyk was unattractive, and in other circumstances she might have found herself quite intrigued by the danger and mystery he presented. But not in this lifetime, not when she had already found where she belonged. Put simply, she knew what was needed, and she would do it, if not happily, then at least without hesitation. But that didn’t mean her heart wasn't distraught when she thought of Chakotay. 

As necessary as she felt her actions had been, Kathryn knew this would test them like nothing before had, having clearly breached into that area which they both avoided. More than anything, she had wanted to spare him from further pain, but in her attempts, she had only managed to make it worse, his hurt and betrayal evident from his reaction. But she simply didn’t know what she should have done; it wasn’t as though it was something she could have discussed with him, the way she did with everything else. There was no right way to tell someone you were still in love with, someone who you knew loved you, that the only strategic option was to pursue an intimate relationship with a known enemy, and one whom it was obvious he distrusted completely. 

But Kathryn was, if nothing else, pragmatic. For better or worse, this was where she found herself. She couldn’t change what had happened, only attempt to deal with the fallout the best she could. It was difficult to know which actions would make it worse and which would help them heal, but in the end, she had known she would not find sleep, and she knew Chakotay would be the same. For all the situation was complicated, the simple fact was they did love each other, and although she had tried to put it aside, she knew that would never change. If anything, this had shown her just how much they needed each other, and not just for their own sakes. 

She had never experienced or seen another command relationship that flowed and stretched the way theirs did, the easy give and take, and trust between them, allowing seamless understanding. How often had she idly wondered if he really could read her mind, as he stepped into action exactly as she intended after nothing more than a shared glance? How many times had she herself blindly followed his lead, without a single doubt, accepting that there was something about the situation which he had grasped better than she did? What they had, in comparison to her concerns, was a strength and not a weakness, as clearly shown by the rapid breakdown when she had felt unable to talk openly about what was going on. Her decision to push him away had not only hurt them both, but eventually had threatened the command structure as well as their friendship. 

In the end, had she not done what she had to anyway, even knowing how it would affect them both? And had that not been her biggest concern about continuing their relationship on Voyager? True, it was not as though she was sending him to face his death, but, given the choice between that and what she had done, what she had to continue to do, she knew which he would choose in a heartbeat. Death, the calm caress of blissful nothingness that would find them all one day, seemed easy in comparison. Having to live was harder, the thoughts and images she knew he would be unable to avoid thinking about, a constant strain. 

She wouldn’t pretend she hadn’t come to him, sweep it away and go back to the status quo. No doubt he would expect her to. But she had made her decision. In truth, she had made it long ago, but for some reason, she had been unable to accept it. Now she was here, she regretted that she hadn’t let go a long time ago. Just being close to him was soothing something inside her, as though all her worries were slightly less heavy. How they proceeded would no doubt be difficult, but she knew, for her part, she was committed to do whatever it took. 

Sighing, she regretfully pulled herself away from his warmth, careful not to wake him. As much as she wanted to stay here and talk, as well as other things, she was due on the bridge early to see off Kashyk and his entourage, and their departure was certainly something she did not want to delay. Lightly stroking his hair, she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, before returning to her own quarters.

***

Can't count the years on one hand  
That we've been together  
I need the other one to hold you  
Make you feel, make you feel better  
It's not a walk in the park  
To love each other  
But when our fingers interlock  
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

'Cause after all this time  
I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies  
But I'm into you, I'm into you  
And baby even on our worst nights  
I'm into you, I'm into you  
Let 'em wonder how we got this far  
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all  
Yeah, after all this time  
I'm still into you

Well, some things just, some things just make sense  
And one of those is you and I   
Some things just, some things just make sense  
And even after all this time   
I'm into you

Baby, not a day goes by  
That I'm not into you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration for this chapter is 'Still into You' by Paramore.


	4. Exhaustion

The day had started poorly, and only went downhill from there. 

Waking alone, it had taken  Chakotay a few moments to orient himself as all the memories of the previous night rushed back at once, and a few more before his racing heart was calmed as he remembered Kathryn was required early this morning, and would have had to leave far before his own alarm woke him, whether she had wanted to or not. Her absence was not necessarily a sign that she was attempting to avoid talking to him, and with any luck, there would be time to see her tonight. 

He should have known better than to expect anything to be so simple.

When his arrival on the bridge was delayed because the  turbolift broke down on route, his mood did not improve. With his  combadge apparently not working, he had little option but to finish the journey via the escape hatch and Jeffries tubes. 

When he eventually appeared, overheated and significantly ruffled, he quickly learned his issue with the  turbolift was not an isolated incident. A large power fluctuation had swept ship-wide, bringing down the  turbolifts , communications, transporters and replicators, as well as knocking the warp core offline. While  B’Elanna had managed to restore communications by the time he arrived, the residual damage was extensive, and though she had all available hands on it, they had yet to identify what was preventing warp capability. Fortunately, shields were still fully functional, but restricted as they were to impulse, their escape from  Devoran space was essentially stymied. 

Even more concerning was that with the transporters down, there was nowhere to conceal the telepaths should they be boarded before its repair. Through some small mercy, the malfunction had occurred after Kathryn had seen off the Devore ship, but their recent presence did not preclude another inspection occurring. They were essentially sitting ducks, racing against time to restore systems before that happened. Due to the extent of the damage,  B’Elanna estimated it could take the engineering team a week before they were fully functional, even with everyone working extended shifts. 

Kathryn had rapidly handed over the bridge to him, deciding her skills would be better placed in engineering. Despite her faith in whatever hold she had over  Kashyk , it was clear she didn’t trust him enough to extend their stay in  Devoran space a single second longer than was absolutely necessary. Even a few days delay tilted their hand perilously towards defeat; if they lost a week, they might as well head to the detention centres themselves. 

With little to do on the bridge but wait, he released all hands with any engineering experience to help with the repairs, and began to work through the list of all personnel to identify anyone who could be pulled to engineering. Those currently working in other departments were directed to  B’Elanna , as were those who were on 'off’ days, while those on Beta and Gamma shift were combined into a second team to relieve those currently working when their shifts hit twelve hours. 

When he checked in at shift change, all hands were still working furiously to identify which fault was causing their mass system failure. There had been minor progress made in that the  turbolifts were now functional, which at least prevented the new shift having to use the Jeffries tubes.  B’Elanna and Kathryn, of course, had no intention of leaving with Alpha shift. Quickly dividing the less experienced crew into small teams led by one of the more experienced engineers, they each took their own new team, directing them as efficiently as possible while they themselves worked on the more complex systems. 

After twenty-four hours,  B’Elanna had very little positive news for him. Replicators were working, but they were no closer to either warp or transporter function. Their original teams were now back on shift, and despite his strong objections, both  B’Elanna and Kathryn point blank refused to be relieved. Retreating to the ready room, with instructions to wake him for  _ any  _ disturbances, he managed to grab a few hours rest before the agitation of the situation wrested sleep from him. 

Sluggish and disoriented, his stomach rumbled in objection as he wistfully thought of his own bed, and  realised he wasn’t sure how long ago his last meal had been. Kathryn’s bad habits were clearly rubbing off on him. Deciding he might feel a little more energetic after eating, he ordered a simple meal from the replicator. Settling at her desk, he looked guiltily at the stack of PADDs that awaited Kathryn – he was meant to have a day off tomorrow, well, today he supposed by now – and so the reports that would have come to him had gone straight to her desk. Knowing her, unless they resolved the situation, eventually she would have to be forcibly removed from engineering, and either way, she was going to be exhausted. The least he could do was make sure these weren’t waiting  for her, so he began casually  browsing one of the less involved PADDs as he ate. 

Moderately energised by the food, he continued to plow through the pile, knowing the second wind would be short lived. As the hours passed without update, he could feel himself beginning to drop off in his seat, finding himself re-reading the same paragraphs over and over, struggling to take it in. When he finally reached the end of the  last report, he signed off on it in relief , sitting back and letting his eyes fall closed for a moment, before returning to the bridge for an update. 

At last, after thirty-five hours,  B’Elanna let him know the transporters were back online, and the warp core would follow shortly. After extracting a promise that both she and the captain would retire as soon as the new shift reported, he quickly disseminated the new shift rota he had prepared, releasing most back to their usual duties to resume the normal eight-hour shifts . He had ensured those who had worked multiple twelve-hour shifts were scheduled for twenty-four hours of rest, and an extended rest period was set up for the rest of the crew, staggered over the next forty-eight hours. 

As the new shift filtered onto the bridge, they were finally given the go-ahead to engage warp, and a collective cheer rang out from Alpha shift, their exhausted faces beyond relief that once more they had managed to pull Voyager back from the brink of disaster. Satisfied that again they were heading as quickly as possible towards the  Devoran border,  Chakotay gave the new shift a thorough briefing, and at long last, handed over the bridge. 


	5. Peace

Crisis averted, Chakotay dragged himself from the bridge, feeling every one of the last forty-eight hours keenly. Now that the threat to Voyager was under control, his thoughts once more returned to Kathryn, and their own battle to restore their relationship. For obvious reasons, he had barely seen her, let alone had the chance to talk to her, and despite his utter exhaustion, he forced himself to first head to her quarters, the usually short detour feeling almost unendurably long. Desperate as he was for clarity, their questions would have to wait; there was little chance either of them had the energy to actually talk, but his need to be near her was beyond comprehension. All he knew was that simply being together always seemed to make the difficult days a little easier to bear, and they both needed that comfort now more than ever. 

Reaching her door, he automatically moved to request entrance, but at the last moment hesitated, fingers hovering over the chime. It had taken him longer than expected to finish on the bridge, and by his estimate, she should have been back here for at least half an hour, perhaps more. Though she was not normally one to head straight to bed, by now surely even she would have to struggle to stay awake. If he disturbed her, she might not fall back to sleep so easily.

“Computer, what is the status of Kathryn Janeway?” 

“Kathryn Janeway is currently asleep.” 

He sighed, heart sinking in disappointment, the desire to see her almost painful. But then, he felt a small ripple of guilt for wishing her awake for his own benefit, knowing he should be grateful she was actually resting for once. At most, she might have been coerced into a brief break, but in all likelihood, she had worked almost non-stop for the whole thirty-six hours. B’Elanna was almost as bad when it came to knowing when to stop, and between the two of them, he doubted anyone would have had the nerve to object. Particularly considering that with the replicators down, for the best part of a day, Kathryn wouldn’t even have had her usual supply of caffeine to soothe her frustration. Suggesting that she needed to rest would have been positively dangerous. 

He would just have to wait until tomorrow. No matter how strong the pull was, there was nothing that could compel him to disturb her well-earned rest. 

Trudging the remaining distance to his own quarters, he sighed in relief as the doors closed behind him. Briefly glancing to the bathroom, feeling the sweat and grime of the extended day, he tried to find the energy to wash, but in the end the need for sleep won out. Shedding clothing as he headed into his bedroom, his breath caught in his throat as he went to call for lights. Padding softly forward, as quietly as he could, he took in the sight before him. 

Oh, Kathryn was asleep alright. Just not where he had been looking for her, and he was amazed at her unfailing ability to keep surprising him after all this time. 

The glow from the main chamber faintly illuminated her, his loose cotton sheets hugging her curves, leaving her every bit as flawless as any Grecian goddess. Like him, she had clearly felt unable to delay sleep long enough to wash, and though the splices of light falling across her face highlighted the smudges decorating her pale skin, he didn’t notice, transfixed by her captivating half-smile. Resting on her side, one of his pillows was cradled under her head, arm delicately resting across it as though she had held it to her in search of sleep. 

The regular rhythm of her breathing assured him of the depth of her sleep, and he was instantly lightyears away, picturing her once more sprawled on the beds they had hastily pushed together, blissfully lost to the world as she finally embraced her release from the constraints of responsibility. He had spent many nights fondly dreaming of being back there, of being able to tell her he loved her without fear that she would close off, temporarily retreating after reminding him of the boundaries they had both agreed were needed to protect their command relationship. 

The need to love her was almost all-consuming, but over time, he had realised that the ability to do so had never been taken from him – the way he could do it had simply changed. Kathryn was still his best friend, his companion for most of his waking moments. He still shared in her laughter and joy, eased her misery and suffering. She had changed too, never quite as unrestrained or free as she had been, but she still gave back to him in equal measure, their friendship re-enforced and built on until they were as they had been on New Earth in all but one way. 

And as much as he loved her as she was then, he would never give her up as she was now to have that Kathryn back. Despite their happiness, there had always been a very small, well concealed tinge of sadness receding in the back of that Kathryn’s heart. When they had first been stranded out here, and she found herself irretrievably severed from the life she had known, it could have broken her. But instead, she had seen only the possibility of what could be, and she had made it happen. Voyager was so much more than merely a way back to Earth. It was all the people who needed her, and all the promises she had made to get each and every one of them back to the Alpha Quadrant. It was every friend, every colleague, every achievement and celebration, every commiseration and failed plan. It was their home, and they were her family, and she needed them as much as Voyager needed her. The pain of that loss had never truly healed; she needed him to be complete, but she needed to be here, to truly be her. 

Until now, he had yet to see her as at peace as she had been there, and he wanted to believe the change was because of their re-connection. Perhaps it was not New Earth itself that had brought that peace, nor the lack of responsibilities. Maybe it had always only ever been because for the first time, she had allowed herself to fully accept what was between them. Though there had been no discussion between them about what she expected of their relationship going forward, he would let himself hope for tonight that her choice to come back here indicated she wanted the same as he did. He would gratefully embrace the chance to have her in his arms for one more night, and when they woke, whatever it was she wanted, he would give it. Even if it was a return to how things were before, because despite not knowing what she desired, he finally understood what he wanted. 

Whatever gave her the strength to keep going. 

Whatever it took to make her happy. 


	6. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Voyagirl47, who might just be my writing soulmate 💓

The only thing Kathryn was aware of as she woke was Chakotay pressed against her, oblivious to the aching of every single one of her muscles after the punishment she had subjected herself to in the last forty-eight hours. Blinking hazily, she could tell she had slept for a long time; it must be early morning by now, and she was surprised she had managed to sleep so long, untroubled by her usual restlessness. Slipping carefully from the bed, her body protested painfully, and she finally became aware of just how sore she was. Her muscles were not helped by the low tremor she couldn’t suppress as her skin was assaulted by the cool air, harsh after the loss of his warmth. 

A few minutes later, she reclaimed her place beside him, having quietly confirmed that everything was under control. There were no further issues in engineering following the restoration of all systems, she was not needed on the bridge, and, thanks to Chakotay’s new schedule, after their thirty-six-hour shift, they were both off duty until tomorrow. For once, she decided to allow herself this opportunity to recuperate. Smiling, she burrowed back against him, happy to let herself drift in and out of dreams, savouring the feeling of safety and peace after the stress of the past few days. 

Gradually, her attention was gently prised from the soft tendrils of sleep, taken over by tingles spreading like electricity across her skin, sparks of bright delight licking over her. Nothing had changed; Chakotay was still deeply asleep, as peaceful as ever. But as though he had become her microcosm, every nerve was suddenly alert, focused on him alone, each miniscule movement he made amplified. His face was buried in her hair, every exhale dancing over the sensitive skin behind her ear, triggering soft shivers down her spine. Each rise of his chest brushing their bodies even closer together, too light to be enough. The scorching heat of each fingertip pressed into her abdomen demanding her attention, as though they would sear right through her if he didn’t move them. Unconsciously, she writhed against him, the aching tension his mere presence was building in her almost unbearable. 

A sharp breath followed her movement, his subconscious clearly being steered in a pleasant direction, one hand trailing down her thigh, sliding between them almost instinctually as even in dreams he sought to give her what she wanted. Lips pressed against her neck, sucking gently, a soft growl meeting her skin as she moaned in pleasure. A fierce flare of yearning for more overwhelmed her, lust humming through her veins, and she couldn’t wait, she needed their bodies to be together right now. 

A desperate moan of his name escaped at the thought, and suddenly she was on her back, his leonine frame suspended over hers, and in the dim light, she could just about make out his eyes blinking in confusion at the abrupt switch from dream to reality. 

“Lights, 30%.” She demanded breathlessly, the urge to see him irrepressible. 

A profound silence fell over them as their eyes met in a moment of heart-stopping tenderness, every excuse and defence stripped away until there was only the raw vulnerability of their love. Kathryn was struck by the blatant contradiction of his existence; despite his strength and physical prowess, he was utterly helpless, and she understood fully for the first time how completely defenceless he was when it came to her. Heart filled with the realisation of how entirely impossible it would be to exist without him, she could see in his eyes that he understood. Any desire to talk was lost as words became wholly meaningless compared to the way they were communicating. Her words of love weren’t enough, could never be enough to express what she felt in that moment, in every moment they were together, but as their lips met, soft and yielding, it didn’t matter. Everything she needed to say was there. 

Her earlier burning need was something deeper now, lust tempered and soothed by the intimacy of their connection, and the only thing she could do was surrender completely. The velvet thumb he reverently dragged over her cheek came to rest against the soft pulse in her neck, and her eyes fluttered closed automatically as he felt for the steady indication of her heart’s beating. 

Their skin itched with the dirt and sweat of the last few days but the deep primitive pull of their hearts couldn’t care less. Limited clothing stripped away, his hand sought hers, fingers entwining tightly. Refusing to let go, she arched up to meet his mouth as he carefully slid into her heat, his body bearing down on hers, though the full extent of his weight was supported by his elbows. Unrushed but deliberate, he surged deep into her body over and over, his undulating hips coaxing her into abandonment until her lips were pulled from his with a gasp, head falling back in bliss. The expression on her face was his undoing, and moments later they collapsed together, chests heaving. With a contented smile, he reversed their positions, her face resting over his heart. 

As they drifted back into sated sleep, their fingers remained firmly interlocked. 


	7. Distraction

Though there was no change in their perceived relationship publicly, Kathryn continued to spend every night in Chakotay’s quarters, her own remaining vacant unless the Devore were present. There was some pragmatic value to this decision, as it helped them to preserve the illusion they were presenting to Kashyk. It would be far too obvious if she was sharing her quarters; even if they did get enough notice to stage the scene, it would be just too easy to miss something that would give them away. But there was far more to it than that.

At some point, they had each come to think of it as ‘their’ space, the place where they had repaired what had broken between them. She didn’t have to be ‘the captain’ there, the way she did in her quarters – as far as it was possible while still on Voyager, it was a safe space, where there was no guilt for letting herself accept and reciprocate his love. They could wake in each other's arms and just enjoy being together, and when they left, they stepped back into their roles and responsibilities without issue. Though they were never truly free, aware that at any moment their presence might be needed, it was enough. 

They fell into an easy pattern, spending as much time together as possible while they were free from their unwanted visitors, having decided that while they were being inspected, their contact should be strictly professional. Anything more would be too risky, and besides, while it was no longer a taboo subject, it was still something they wanted to keep separated from their relationship as much as was possible. 

*** 

Their continuing trek through Devore space had proceeded as smoothly as could be hoped following their mass system failure, though they continued to be zealously monitored by the ever-vigilant Devore. While there were certain checkpoints along the approved route which they were aware would involve inspections, in general, the Devore’s preferred procedure was to appear unexpectedly in an attempt to catch them out. Usually, they would have less than an hour's notice, barely enough to ensure everything was prepared, and the telepaths were safely in suspension. 

Chakotay was quite certain that had it not been for Kathryn, they would not have made it this far; she remained the one and only defence standing between Voyager and the voracity of the Imperium. Though the number of interceptions by the Devore had not changed over time, they were now split between two scenarios. 

It always started the same. Kashyk would commandeer her ready room, demanding Kathryn’s presence, while simultaneously a mass influx of soldiers would flood  Voyager, poised to immediately  undertake a widespread search, pending his command. 

And from then on, their path would depend entirely on Kashyk’s mood. 

Sometimes, it was clear he was determined to move the game forward in his favour, and he rapidly released his troops to their tasks, dismissing Kathryn back to the bridge. The Devore  would hunt in earnest, searching for any and all infringements they could find, while he reviewed their reports as they came in, arrogantly assured that this time, he would uncover the telepaths he was convinced were secreted somewhere aboard Voyager. The crew did their best to keep normal procedures going, without impeding the inspection or drawing the ire of the Devore while waiting with baited breath for the end of the inspection, or for their deception to finally be uncovered. And inevitably, having failed in their mission to find the telepaths, Kathryn would be summoned and brought to task for any concerns found. 

But on other occasions, Kashyk would take an entirely different approach, deciding that only a first-hand inspection was acceptable. As the bridge waited for Kathryn’s return, instead they would emerge together, having dismissed the majority of the soldiers back to the Devoran ship. Kathryn would calmly explain that the Inspector wanted to examine the key systems himself, and hand the bridge to Chakotay. Their eyes would meet, and she would nod to him, a nod that could have meant ‘as you were’, or ‘take care of my bridge’, but also meant ‘everything will be okay.’ 

Their departure from the bridge was always silent. 

Exactly as she had predicted, the further they proceeded through Devore space, the more frequent this type of inspection became. Though there was never any doubt Kashyk remained a very real threat, still deeply committed to the will of the Imperium, the more tangled in her web he became, the more time he preferred to spend with Kathryn, rather than searching in earnest. There was no pretence in her mind that he trusted her, and she knew he almost certainly felt there was some type of deception going on, but as long as she could keep him from devoting his full efforts towards finding the telepaths, there was still hope they could make it to the rendezvous point before they were uncovered. 

As with its start, the end of this path was always the same. Kathryn wouldn’t return to the bridge after they inspected whichever token system became his target for that visit. If her absence was noted, it was never mentioned. Though Kashyk was always assigned guest quarters, they remained as empty as her own quarters were in his absence. The following morning, having survived one more inspection, she would see off Kashyk and his remaining guards as they departed, and again, Voyager was free to proceed.

And so the game went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to anyone who read this chapter when I posted it, as I initially posted the unbeta'd version by mistake. Forgive me for my errors, it is now fixed!


	8. Forget

Kathryn sighed as she headed back to their quarters, feeling the stirrings of yet another migraine threatening to appear. Whilst she had always been prone to them, their frequency had undeniably increased since they entered Devoran space. Not that this should come as a surprise; the mental exertion it took to keep Kashyk under her influence was extremely taxing. While this was an endeavour she undertook willingly for her crew, she was still human, and willing or not, it came with a price. 

Stepping over the threshold into the quarters should have relieved her stress, but she could still feel the tension building in her shoulders, mind racing with all the worries she couldn’t let show on the bridge. 

The second the door slid shut, the lights went out and she was plunged into darkness. Automatically turning to work out what was happening, she was caught by surprise as a body pressed fully against her back, a hand clamping firmly over her mouth as she began to struggle. Warmth found her as he kissed the slender column of her throat, skilfully avoiding her attempts to throw him off. As her head twisted, a heady wave of scent filled her senses. 

“Stop.” 

His words were soft but commanding, rich and sweet as his breath caressed her ear, and her attempts to free herself ceased. 

“Good girl.” 

She was rewarded as the hand on her mouth slowly skimmed down her neck, whisper-light touches brushing over her skin until it came to rest on her shoulder. 

“I can feel how tense you are. Are you aware you have been flexing your shoulders all day? Rubbing your forehead when you think no one is watching?” 

The hand found the tightly wound muscles of her back, thumb pressing firmly in all the right places to relieve the pressure. Instinctively she tried to arch back into the touch, body realising what she needed though her mind did not. Even now, it was impossible to quiet the voices filling her head, every problem and worry determined to make itself heard above the rest. 

“Stop thinking, Kathryn. Let go.” 

Though she wasn't restrained anymore, both hands now working their way over her knotted back, she didn’t pull away, head dipping backward as she surrendered to the sweet relief, letting herself fall into the narcotic lull of his voice as it spread through her. 

“I was watching you. It took all my restraint not to drag you into your ready room and deal with this then and there.” 

The thought of him acting so openly and possessively on the bridge should have worried her, but she was already lost in his words, all thoughts of work or Kashyk, or her building migraine, banished. Her eyes slid shut in ecstasy as she let the darkness envelop her mind, focusing only on the slow movement of his hands down her back, and the low rasp of his breathing, anxiously anticipating the next whisper in the dark. 

“So much weight on your shoulders, Kathryn, too much. You need to stop thinking. You need to let me take care of you.” 

Thoughts of her worries were the last thing on her mind right now; in all honesty, she was struggling to recall exactly what it was that had had her so stressed mere minutes ago. All that existed right now was her, and him, and the promise of blissful release. His hands were suddenly gone, body pulled away from hers, but before she could indicate her disapproval, he was speaking to her again. 

“Kathryn, take off your clothes.” 

Her breath caught. It was undeniably an order, but one which she had no hesitation obeying. Perhaps the strain had taken her closer to breaking point than she had realised, because she could feel an uncontrolled trembling through her body as she moved to comply, though it was concealed by the cover of darkness. Instead, the eroticism that he would have taken from watching her was replaced by the minute sounds that accompanied her actions. The harsh click-click as she unzipped her uniform jacket, followed by the swish of fabric hitting the floor. Her own breathing seemed to fill the silence as she moved, stripping away layer after layer until she was robed only in shadows. 

Warm fingertips found her hips, igniting a hunger to feel more of his warmth as they worked their way up her body, a growl of frustration escaping her as they whispered across the side of her breasts but proceeded upwards without stopping. Though he had barely touched her, she could feel her thighs were already damp with anticipation. Finally, they reached their destination, running through her hair, lightly massaging her scalp with tender, circular movements that seemed to erase the last vestiges of tension she was still holding. 

“I want you to go to our bed and wait for me. Lie on your stomach.” 

Rapid, shallow breaths were all she could manage, the focus needed to speak utterly beyond her capabilities. But he seemed to take it for granted that she would follow his direction, as she could hear his larger form moving away from her. Gathering her concentration, she tried to work out which way the bedroom was, the usually easy task complicated by the disorienting effect his presence had on her. 

Though she eventually found the bed, her relief was short lived. Lying face down in the dark, every whisper caught her attention, trying to work out where he was, what he was doing. Unconsciously, her body became taut once more in anticipation of his touch, every second she was left waiting feeling unbearably long. 

And then she could feel his eyes on her, a shiver running up her spine. It was impossible to say how she knew he was looking at her, or why it even mattered in the darkness, as he almost certainly couldn’t appreciate anything except the faint outlines of her body. The thought was lost as he settled over her, straddling her hips as he drizzled warm oil over her soft skin. Feather-light, his hands settled at the small of her back, gliding soothingly over her skin as he once more began to work away her tension. 

The slow drag of his fingers over her skin was igniting a war inside her, part of her wanting to relax completely into the soothing movements. But at the same time, it was impossible to ignore the building heat, the so far neglected parts of her body aching for his touch, to feel him pressed fully against her. 

However, it appeared that Chakotay was unaware of her desire, or was feigning ignorance as he proceeded to her legs, touch never going beyond what was needed to relax her muscles. But as he worked his way back up to her thighs, it was impossible to prevent herself pressing back against him, trying to encourage his fingers to slide between her legs, to relieve the new pressure that had resulted from his tender ministrations. 

She could almost feel his smirk as he pulled back in time with her movement, just preventing her from more friction. 

“This is supposed to be relaxing, Kathryn. But you don’t feel very relaxed…” 

“I…” Her words were lost as he dipped both hands down the insides of her thighs, spreading them so that she was completely exposed to him. His oiled fingers glided easily through her slick folds, teasing as they gravitated slowly towards her clit, brushing over her entrance but not pushing inside. Soon she was whimpering and arching against him as he expertly drove her into a frenzy. 

“Please…” 

“What do you want, Kathryn? My fingers?” As he spoke, his fingers pressed deep into her, his own body tightening as she crooned in delight. 

“My mouth?” Leaning forward, he blew lightly over her clit, fingers sliding out to spread her wide, licking slowly along the full length of her core, finishing with a gentle nip of her clit. 

“My cock?” 

The firmness of his erection pressed against her, running teasingly up and down, pausing just a little too long over her entrance as Kathryn lost the last of her restraint, bucking up against him aggressively. They both hissed in pleasure as the head of his erection was forced into her tightness by the movement. 

“Fuck, Kathryn...” 

It was clear that, for all his projected calm, Chakotay was every bit as worked up as she was, groaning as he leant forward, using his weight to sink deeply into her until they shared a sigh of delight when he was fully sheathed in her body. 

As the wildness that had been brewing beneath his gentleness broke free, he set a slow but powerful pace, determined to drive away all thoughts of anything except this from her mind. 

It didn’t take long for Kathryn to peak, the tantalising caress of his fingers over her aching muscles having already pushed her so close. With a wail of his name, she tensed, before she went completely boneless, enjoying the waves of ecstasy sweeping through her body as Chakotay thrust a few more times before surging forward as he found release. 

Carefully pulling out of her, he ran his hands up her back affectionately, feeling the complete lack of tension. Settling down beside her, he pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head. 

“Better?” 

She hummed in agreement, already drifting into sleep as he chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For spengie. 
> 
> Even the strongest people falter, though it may take another to realise it is happening. And in the darkness of our own making, sometimes the only thing that can save us from ourselves is love.


	9. Concentration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn's thoughts are in italics.

“Their soldiers have materialised on decks fifteen, eleven, four and one, Captain.” 

Kathryn’s eyes flicked to Chakotay briefly, her own thoughts matching his as they shared the moment where they both wondered which way this was going to go. The moment when their own needs and Voyager’s were as diametrically opposed as ever, the path they liked least infinitely more to Voyager's advantage, and therefore, infinitely more desirable. The only option was to play for the long game, accepting these losses so as to prolong their chance to emerge victorious. 

“Captain Janeway, report to your Ready room.” 

As she rubbed her forehead in an attempt to relieve the pressure headache she could feel building, she was already out of her seat and treading the familiar steps to her ready room before the cool voice had even finished speaking. 

Stepping forward as the door closed behind her, she briefly surveyed Prax, standing silently behind Kashyk, who was comfortably relaxed at her desk. So today was to be a real inspection, then. The brief wave of relief was rapidly erased by a sense of frustration, and some measure of concern. 

“Good morning, Captain. I took the liberty of playing this music throughout your ship. I thought it might help your crew relax. Sometimes these inspections can be stressful.” 

Well-practiced at their usual interaction, it took little effort for Kathryn to bite back the retort she would like to give, easily falling into their regular rhythm without any signs that her reaction to his presence was anything other than perfectly genuine. 

“Thoughtful as always, Inspector.” 

Irresistibly, she heard the ripple of a long-lost voice in her head, one that had not been brought to mind in a long time, though it was not one that she had missed. Remembering a past situation with more similarities to her present predicament than she would like to admit, her own words replaced by the drawled “Yes, Maje”, said with significantly less effort to appear genuine. 

Though her skin itched uncomfortably at the comparison, it was an apt analogy in some ways, she supposed; like her, Seska had been attempting to enact her own plans under the restrictions of men who believed demanding submission meant they were in control. Both of them had become trapped in hells of their own making, committed to follow the path through to the end, regardless of where it led or what the costs were along the way. Though at least, she herself had entered with eyes wide open, resolved in her belief that her decision was made for the right reasons. 

The situation might have been the same, but there ended the similarities between the two women. Even with the gift of hindsight, she knew she would willingly make the same choice again. She doubted Seska would have. Kathryn had never quite understood exactly what had driven her to ally herself with the Kazon, but it certainly hadn’t been intended in the best interests of anyone but herself. Though her own situation indisputably had the potential to end equally as tragically, she drew reassurance from the knowledge that she had something Seska didn’t; someone she cared about more than herself, and that was something worth fighting with every last breath to protect. 

*** 

Prax brought the final report to Kashyk himself, and once more Kathryn found herself standing before them both, waiting to hear their determination. 

“We've completed our inspection. There are no telepaths aboard. However, their sensor logs indicate they deviated from their assigned course on two occasions.” 

“In both cases, to avoid ion storms. We had little optio-” Kathryn quickly interjected, but her words were cut off as Prax spoke over her, clearly uninterested in any reasonable explanation, and she had to fight to suppress the roll of her eyes. 

“Imperative thirty-two, codicil six twenty-six. All Gaharay vehicles that deviate from prescribed flight vectors will be impounded, their crews detained and relocated.” 

It wasn’t the first time she had been accused of some infraction, but her heart always raced as once more it was up to her to try and smooth things out. Regardless of the severity of the transgression, the Imperium had only one sentence, and a single deviation could condemn them just as easily as the horde of telepaths they were concealing. 

_Shift the balance of power. Tread carefully._

Allowing herself a slow, calming breath, Kathryn’s focus switched to Kashyk, whose eyes were firmly resting on her, his amusement at her frustration evident. Adjusting her posture slightly, her body subtly shifted to exude a faint air of submissiveness, almost unperceivable, but she knew he would feel it. Glancing down briefly before raising her eyes, she met his gaze softly, as though imploring him for his assistance, her head tilting ever so slightly to one side, questioning. 

"Prax, it's clear the Captain didn't intend to break protocol. I expect we can overlook these infractions.” 

“Sir?” His objectionable tone trailed off as he caught the look Kashyk directed towards him, quickly remembering the danger of speaking back to his superior. His subsequent “Yes, sir” was quiet, and filled with resignation. 

“Go and ready the teams to head back to the ship; I need a quick word with Captain Janeway, then I will join you to oversee their departure.” 

Prax nodded, more than pleased to excuse himself before he incurred Kashyk’s displeasure again. 

She would have liked to throw her own smirk at Prax as he slipped away; she did not appreciate being spoken over, and her dislike for him grew at every inspection. But that would thoroughly destroy the veil her role required in order for her control to remain concealed. And while so far, her subtle manipulation had once more successfully managed to divert possible danger to her ship, this situation was not over yet. 

The second her door closed, Kashyk was on his feet, stalking towards her like a predator freshly released from its cage. His mouth found hers aggressively, and she met it with equal fervour, groaning as he slammed her back against the bulkhead. His gloved hands ran down her sides as he pressed fully against her, finally settling at her hips, which he jerked forward towards him, ensuring she felt his arousal. 

The heat between them built until it was almost unbearable, and for a moment she wondered if he might lose his normal restraint. It was dangerous for him to so openly consort with a Gaharay, and usually things between them did not escalate like this with the remaining Devore still on board. That was reserved for his private inspections, where, escorted only by those he most trusted, he was free to act as he pleased. If any of them knew, they wouldn't dare question. 

Reluctantly he broke their kiss as the need for air became overwhelming, and Kathryn panted softly as she tried to regain her breath, looking up at his face as he towered over her petite form. 

“I’d like to stay here and finish this, but as you are aware, my presence is required elsewhere. You have a long trip through Devore space and good friends can be an asset. But consider this a warning, Kathryn; if you continue to deviate from your agreed route, there are limits to how much I can protect you.” 

“I'll keep it in mind. Until the next inspection then, Kashyk.” Breathless from their extended kiss, her voice was even huskier than usual. Though his expression remained constant, she didn’t miss the minute dilation of his pupils at the implied promise, holding his gaze firmly until he pulled away. Moments later he was gone. 

She forced herself to wait a good thirty seconds after the door closed before striding across her ready room to slump behind her desk. Headache now full blown from the intense concentration, she hastily retrieved the hypospray she stored in here for these very occasions, grateful as the painful throb receded slightly as she felt the soft hiss against her neck. 

Today, they had won despite their minor transgressions, but only by virtue of Kashyk’s 'good’ graces, and there was no way to predict how far he would let them stretch. Every single infraction, no matter how small, could be the last one they made. With each real inspection, their eventual defeat drew nearer, whether in the form of a minor breach he wouldn’t let slip by, or because he finally worked out exactly how they were concealing the telepaths. 

At least she knew that next time, he would come alone, and one more inspection would pass without risk to anyone but herself, and by extension, Chakotay. She could already feel the churning, uncomfortable, emptiness settling at the bottom of her stomach, reminding her that victory had never been so bitter. 


	10. Rush

Kathryn groaned in delight as her back hit the wall, revelling in the tantalising sensation of his fully clothed body against her naked skin. Having beaten Chakotay back to his quarters at the end of their shift, she had assumed that she would have enough time to wash before he caught up; when she had left the bridge, he was still deep in conversation with Tuvok. While this prediction proved correct, he had appeared just in time to catch her leaving the shower, and neither had had the patience to so much as strip off his uniform before coming together. 

Chakotay’s mouth pressed aggressive kisses down her throat and collarbone, flushed red marks detailing his movement over her skin. But she was not one to take such behaviour lightly, and nimbly she sank to her knees, wresting back control as she licked the sensitive tip of his erection, eyes flashing victoriously at his guttural groan. Her petite hands found the base where it projected out from the opening in his pants, skilfully kneading the sensitive area. Hands roughly gripped her hair, forcing her forwards, and as she relaxed, he began to fuck her mouth in earnest. 

She loved the conflicting nature of this act; for all the restriction, the apparent submission, she knew who was really in control here, holding the power to bring him the pleasure he so desired or the ability to end this right here. When they had first come together on New Earth, it had taken her a while to convince him she wasn’t going to break if he didn’t treat her with the utmost care, but once she had persuaded him to let go, she had found that, like her, he also understood the thrill of being pushed to one’s limits. 

She loved the deep connection they shared when they made love, sharing all of each other in a spiritual way that helped them both to deal with the darkness currently looming over them, threatening to destroy what they had if they didn’t both fight to control it. But sometimes, her body just needed him to give her more, to challenge her, to burn off their worries as they fucked aggressively with no thoughts of softness or holding back. Sometimes, like today, their mood fell somewhere in the middle. They certainly weren’t making love, but they had unquestionably been rougher. 

He slipped wetly from her mouth as he pulled back, fingers curling under her chin and tilting her face up to look at him. As his thumb brushed over her swollen lips, her tongue darted out, swirling across the sensitive pad. His reaction was immediate, pupils dilating until his eyes were nothing more than pitch black pools of lust, a growl of impatience escaping as he jerked her with no small force to her feet, flipping her around so he could press her against the full-length wall mirror. 

“I want you to watch as I fuck you, Kathryn, watch as I plunge into you and take my pleasure from your body.” 

God, she had never imagined that hearing him talking to her during sex would have such an effect on her, but it was undeniable. Perhaps it was the contrast with his usual soft-spoken manner, the idea of his voice, so often filled with love and kindness, being capable of such lust and raw need. The evidence in his words of how much he desired her, needed her, in a way that overrode all his other urges. Each word, no matter how crude, wrapped in silk and delivered directly to her centre, her desire suddenly overtaken by whatever he was telling her. 

As he delivered on his promise, unhesitatingly pushing fully into her, they both moaned, Kathryn’s hands coming up to brace herself against the mirror as she fought to keep her eyes open as he had directed, taking in her own flushed face, her eyes appearing almost midnight blue with arousal. Every time he filled her again, her body jerked forward, and his eyes in the reflection never left hers, drilling into her every bit as powerfully as his cock was. 

“Spirits, I love watching you when we fuck, Kathryn. Watching as you lose control, seeing what my touch does to you. Knowing how desperate you are to accept everything I can give you. Every inch of you is so responsive, I just want to touch, taste, feel everywhere...” 

One hand had slid down from her hip to firmly pinch her clit, the wash of pleasure that resulted so overwhelming that it was almost agony, her scream of delight spurring his movements to quicken, now rubbing furious circles over the bundle of nerves. Her eye contact was lost as she threw her head back, pressing forward desperately against his fingers, and he let her hips go completely now, his lower body forcing her front into full mirror contact as the hand not on her clit wrenched her head back by her hair. The painful pull against her scalp, the ice coolness of the mirror against her hard nipples, and the aggressive bite he pressed to her collar bone combined into a vortex of heady sensations, euphoria coursing through her body as he sent her into a blinding orgasm. She momentarily lost all awareness of his increasing pace or the burning heat of his release filling her as she floated blissfully. 

Finally coming down, Kathryn leaned heavily against the mirror, panting forcefully as Chakotay’s weight pinned her down, feeling the heaving of his body behind her as he too fought to catch his breath. 

Unexpectedly, the chirp of Chakotay’s combadge drew them both back to reality. 

“Bridge to Commander Chakotay. We’re detecting a vessel on intercept course; the signature is Devore. At present speed, estimated time to intercept is thirty-four minutes. I’ve tried to contact the Captain, but I’m not getting a response.” 

Their eyes met in the mirror, both guiltily thinking of her combadge laying thoughtlessly, unforgivably forgotten, exactly where she had left it when she undressed to shower. Off-duty or not, she should have been contactable. It was inexcusable that neither of them had remembered to pick it up. 

Chakotay tapped his badge, hand covering Kathryn’s mouth in an attempt to conceal the heavy breathing she wasn’t quite able to suppress completely. 

“Chakotay to bridge. Acknowledged, continue on present course, I’ll notify the Captain. We'll see you on the bridge. Chakotay out.” 

Kathryn swore quietly as she took in her reflection; the red marks down her neck were impossible to mistake for anything but what they were, and she was certain the finger imprints would only darken in the coming hours. 

They both sprang into action, Chakotay quickly fixing his uniform as Kathryn sprinted to his bathroom, throwing herself into his shower before the water was even warm. The cold drops would have shocked her system, had she not been in full alert mode already, body racing with the aftermath of her release combined with adrenaline. 

“Dermal regenerator?” There was no question in his mind that she would have one, somewhere. He knew her well enough to know she would go to any lengths to avoid a visit to sickbay. 

“My bookshelf, middle shelf, second from the right, there is a book that isn’t really a book.” 

He was gone before she could even ask him to bring back a change of uniform, concerned that the ones here would smell like his, but she trusted he would remember as she fiercely scrubbed every inch of her skin, removing any traces of their actions from her body, infinitely thankful that the Devore’s sense of smell was barely more sensitive than humans. 

They rapidly exchanged places as he returned, the dermal regenerator pressed into her hands before he too showered. Rushing to clear her body of the last remaining signs of their relationship, she breathed a small sigh of relief as finally her skin was unmarked again, for now, anyway. Minutes felt like seconds as they both dressed quickly and without comment, in the most efficient manner possible. There was no time to stagger their exit from his quarters, or wait to ensure no one saw them leaving, and they both raced from the rooms and towards the turbolift the second they were ready. 

Hitting the bridge not a moment too soon, they both settled into the command chairs as the Devore ship hailed them, issuing the standard instructions once again as they prepared to board Voyager. Their eyes met across the console, hearts still pounding as they realised just how close this had come to disaster. 


	11. Determination

It had been an unnervingly long time since their last inspection, and Kathryn was on edge. So far, Kashyk had acted entirely predictably, but this long absence was out of character. Over the last few visits, she had sensed a growing restlessness from him, her increased company perhaps reminding him of what had drawn him to her in the first place – the anticipated pleasure of winning their war of wits. So far, she had managed to make him almost forget the thrill of the game, the utmost importance of winning, but even she could not erase the clock she knew was ticking down in his head, reminding him that the time in which to outmanoeuvre her was running out. 

As they drew closer to their rendezvous point without interception, it was hard not to wonder whether fate was conspiring against them, as it became almost a certainty that he would appear dangerously close to their planned handover. 

On the night before the rendezvous, she concluded that it was no longer an option to do nothing. The next twenty-four hours were the most important of their entire time in Devore space; if the Devore appeared, they had to have a plan, some way to tilt the balance back in their favour. Whatever happened, the Devore could not be on board when they arrived at their destination. And so, after thinking it through, playing out every scenario in her head, she brought her idea to Chakotay, this time determined they would make the decision together. 

Knowing her as well as he did, he did not seem surprised at her pensive mood as they ate dinner in his quarters, but he was content to wait, knowing she would share with him when she was ready to put her thoughts into words. Sure enough, as they retired to the sofa, each with a glass of wine, she turned her focus to him. 

“Chakotay... I’m almost certain that an inspection is going to occur in the next twenty-four hours. It’s been far too long, and it would be just our luck that they choose tomorrow of all days to finally make an appearance.” 

Chakotay nodded thoughtfully, a frown etched on his face as he considered her words. 

“I have been wondering the same myself. So what's the plan?” He smiled at the cute quirk of her eyebrow at his response. “You don’t expect me to believe that you, Kathryn Janeway, don’t have a plan, do you?” 

The corners of her mouth twitched in amusement. “I suppose not.” 

She nodded to herself, as though finally all the pieces had come together in her head. 

“The issue is, our previous strategy is of no use here. Real inspection or not, he will be with us for almost a full day, and that is too long. So, our only option is to make sure they are not on Voyager.” 

“How do we do that? It's not like we can pretend not to be home, and hope they will try again another time.” 

“I... know his behaviour fairly well at this point. He is going to want to undertake a real inspection, as thorough as he can. Until now, he's only really been devoting about half his attention towards finding the telepaths, but he is starting to realise the only reason he hasn’t found them already is his distraction. And despite my best efforts, it's almost impossible that he doesn’t think I’m keeping something from him; this is what he does, find the deceptions buried deep and rip them out. He simply cannot help himself if he thinks there is something he doesn't know. Perhaps we can use that to our advantage. 

“I don’t really follow, Kathryn, sorry.” 

“I think it's time we reclaimed my quarters, Chakotay.” 

Chakotay blinked, thoroughly blindsided. 

“Don't get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you I’m not happy here. This is a purely strategic reclamation. Let me tell you how I imagine this will play out, if I am correct in my assessment of him. 

“They will arrive, as they always do, and he will already have decided to order a full inspection. Despite this, it might be possible to encourage his mind to drift in the other direction, which will give us a second line of action. After I’m dismissed, I’m going to leave Harry in charge of the bridge; when Kashyk realises my absence, there are two ways it can go. Either he will be convinced there is some crisis going on, some urgent panic I am trying to conceal from him, or he will think it’s an invitation to come and find me. Either way, I have no doubt he will be unable to resist the urge to discover what is going on. If he asks my location, he will learn I’ve gone to my quarters. And that’s where I will be, where _we_ will be. We are going to show him _exactly_ how we have been deceiving him.” 

So caught up in the animated manner in which she explained her plan, eyes drawn by the rapid movement of her hands, it took a moment after she had stopped speaking for Chakotay to understand what she was saying. Not that he could think of what to say even when his mind caught up, but Kathryn continued onwards anyway. 

“He doesn’t really seem the type who is willing to share things he considers to be his, and I doubt he will be willing to accept such a blow to his ego without retribution. His only goal will be trying to regain control, and everything else will be, at least temporarily, forgotten. He will believe he holds all the cards, that we are none the wiser that he is onto us, and he won’t want us to know that he knows. He won’t want the distraction of the masses of reports generated by the search, nor the company he will have to endure. I believe he will cut it short and retreat, so as to best focus on exactly how he can make me suffer for what I have done.” 

Chakotay blew out a breath very slowly as she finished speaking, her eyes moving to his in a clear indication that she was seeking his opinion. 

“This is very dangerous Kathryn; you can’t predict what lengths he will go to if you provoke his anger. And there is a chance that he intensifies the hunt for them, furiously devoting his time to the search in an attempt to shut us down immediately.” 

“Yes, he might. But I don’t think he will. It wouldn’t satisfy him, it's not personal enough. I think he will bide his time, holding back until he thinks he can destroy me completely. And by then, it will be too late, they will be gone. We only need to buy a little more time to get them out, and without any evidence they were ever here, there is no justification to hold Voyager.” 

She hesitated; the line between optimism and foolhardiness was a thin one. It was a considerable gamble; if she was mistaken, if she had misjudged how Kashyk would act, there would be very little that could be done to save the situation. 

“It's not without its risks, Chakotay. But I can’t think of anything else that has even a chance. Do you trust me?” 

“I do, always. And I think you are right, at least we would have a chance. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” 

“I don’t like it much either. But I am not going to let him take Voyager without a fight. He thinks I can be controlled, that he sets the rules of this game. It’s time we changed that.” 

He shook his head, but not to disagree. Every time he thought he had the full measure of her, she somehow managed to prove him wrong, to yet again surprise him. As much as he hated the idea of placing her in even greater danger, to let her willingly become the target of Kashyk’s wrath, the determination and selflessness she exuded from every pore could only ever make him love her more. 

“No matter how long I know you, I will never get used to how calmly you walk towards the flames, as though there is nothing and no one who can stop you. As a child, were you never warned about playing with fire, Kathryn?” 

“Chakotay, I am the fire. And its time Kashyk learned that people who play games with my crew don’t just get burned. They get incinerated.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not done so already I highly recommend reading ' A Hotter Touch' after this chapter, as it sits directly between Chapter 11 and Chapter 12. Enjoy!
> 
> [A Hotter Touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990743)


	12. Dominance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As noted at the end of the last chapter, this chapter follows directly on from the events of 'A Hotter Touch'. It gives more depth to the story if you have read that before this chapter 🙂
> 
> [A Hotter Touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28990743)
> 
> I'm also going to err on the side of caution and give this chapter a mild non-consensual touching warning. Nothing explicit, and certainly less intimate that what is implied in previous chapters, but it is there.
> 
> *** 

After successfully inducing Kashyk to pull the Devore from Voyager at their last inspection, they had proceeded unimpeded toward the border. But despite their peaceful travel, Kathryn knew better than to assume they were in the clear; they would not be allowed to leave without one final inspection, and she was certain that was when Kashyk would strike. 

*** 

They were hailed mere hours from the border, exactly as expected, and, for what was hopefully the very last time, Voyager was flooded with Devoran soldiers. 

Both Kashyk and Prax awaited Kathryn in her ready room, though this time, neither was seated. It was difficult to read anything from their posture, but she doubted very much that they would be so calm if they did not think they had what it took to bring her down. 

“Captain Janeway. I must apologise for the abrupt ending of our last inspection; I had other matters to deal with. However, here we are again, so let us pick up where we left off. Prax, complete the searches.” 

Kathryn nodded, turning to go as she usually did, however the tight grip of Kashyk’s hand at the top of her arm pulled her back around. She inhaled sharply, not because it was truly painful, but more from surprise. 

“I don’t remember dismissing you, Kathryn.” 

If Prax noticed the use of her first name as he left, he gave no sign. 

“Seal your ready room.” 

Kathryn surveyed him calmly, hesitating only a moment before complying. They weren’t out of danger quite yet, but the game had changed; Kashyk was quite aware of what was between her and Chakotay, and she had no doubt that her manipulation would have left a deep mark on his pride. For now, he seemed to want to continue with the charade, and until she knew what was going on, she too had little choice but to play the game. It wasn’t in her nature to fear, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of exactly how dangerous he was. So, she sealed the room with a code she had prepared for exactly this situation, secure in the knowledge that a single word would be enough to release the lock, and alert security. 

“Computer, security seal ready room, authorisation Janeway-Gamma-Five-Maquis.” 

Kashyk wasted no time in making his intentions quite clear, using his grip on her arm to pull her into an aggressive kiss. Hungrily, his hands delved under her uniform, one settling firmly in the small of her back to keep her against him, the other skirting her side. 

But as both hands moved lower, fingers sliding under her waistband, her own hands snapped down on top of his, trapping them against her hips as she pulled their lips apart. 

“No. Not here, Kashyk.” 

His eyes darkened, and she could feel the coldness he was exuding washing over her, threatening to extinguish everything that stood in his way. 

“Here. Now. I’m going to fuck you on your desk exactly as I’ve been imagining since that first day.” 

Taking advantage of his grip on her hips, he roughly pushed her backwards until the back of her thighs hit the desk, forcing her to perch on the edge to avoid falling. 

She brought her arms up to push him away but he was quicker, pinning both wrists together in front of her chest, the firm hold effectively trapping her where she sat. His eyes glittered darkly, and she could feel his agitated energy, his grip on her almost possessive. The delicate equilibrium of power between them was precariously balanced, and only the sheer force of her will was preventing the collapse in his favour, though it was clear Kashyk believed that outcome was inevitable. She had no doubt at all that his words were true, that he had indeed imagined this very scenario; but this, right here and now, was not desire. 

This was punishment. 

How entirely predictable. And she had no intention of allowing him the satisfaction. She had endured every single uncomfortable second of his hands on her skin because it had been necessary. But not anymore, this was where it ended. 

“Why so reluctant, Kathryn? Isn’t this how you like it?” 

Their eyes met and there was no pretence between them anymore. This was the breaking point, and neither were quite sure they had the winning hand. 

“You shouldn’t have tried to play me, Kathryn. You have no idea what I’m capable of.” 

She remained perfectly still, continuing to meet his gaze unwaveringly. There was little point struggling against him; his grip was too tight, and he was much stronger than she was. If she needed help, it would come, but she didn’t want to go down that route unless she had no other option. If she had to have him forcibly removed from her ready room, there was no telling how many different rule violations they might inadvertently commit, and she was not going to be responsible for giving him what he needed to take Voyager. Besides, she was nowhere near ready to accept defeat yet. 

“Take your hands off of me, Kashyk.” Her voice was every bit as cold as his was, burning with the fierce intensity that so often sent those opposing her fleeing. 

But not Kashyk. 

Possessed with his own righteous fury, he leaned in, and she turned her head from him, inadvertently exposing her neck. As he ran his tongue slowly up her pale skin, it took every bit of her restraint not to shudder; if he wanted to see her discomfort, he was going to be disappointed. He paused for a moment, deeply inhaling her scent, mouth only millimetres from her ear. 

“I know where they are, Kathryn.” 

“I have no idea what you mean.” 

“As we speak, Prax is in cargo bay one. I am very well aware you have been keeping them in the transporter buffer. I think it’s about time this deception crashes down around you, Kathryn.” 

“As I said, I have no idea what you mean. I have told you, repeatedly, there are no telepaths on board. You have searched dozens of times without success, surely this is enough proof?” 

“We’ll see.” 

“Sir, I've isolated the bio-patterns in the transporter buffer. I’m about to bring them back from suspension.” 

Kashyk’s face flickered in irritation at being interrupted, though there was a flash of triumph in his eyes as his suspicions were proven correct. But as silence continued without confirmation of success, he became impatient. 

“Prax, do you have the telepaths?” 

“I have cargo containers...filled with vegetables.” 

“Vegetables, Kashyk? The Imperium will be delighted when they learn the many hours you have spent on Voyager have successfully yielded vegetables.” 

He seethed silently, his hold on her becoming painfully tight, and she could feel the pressure bruising her fragile wrist bones, though she refused to let herself show it. The only thing he wanted was her reaction, therefore she had to make him believe that she was entirely unaffected. He underestimated her if he thought that would be enough to break her concentration. 

“What will you tell them? That you were mistaken in your belief that there were telepaths here, and you used Imperium resources pointlessly? Or that you were correct, yet you let them slip through your fingers?” 

He surveyed her critically, their eyes locking once more. 

“Perhaps if you explain the reasons for your inability to complete your assignment, they will be more forgiving. I’m sure they would be fascinated to hear about all your first-hand inspections, Kashyk.” 

As she refused to break the gaze, meeting his ferocity with every bit as much of her own, they both knew she had him. She was infinitely more dangerous if she remained in Devoran space than if he let them go. The threat of his failure becoming public knowledge was an outcome he could not risk. 

All that was left was this battle of wills to determine how their game ended, and Kathryn was determined it would not be her who blinked first. She could clearly see his desire to make sure she regretted her actions. But as she continued to stare him down, he seemed to recognise the promise in her eyes that the only outcome of that action would be further frustration on his part. So far, his attempts to make her uncomfortable, to get her to admit he was hurting her, had yielded nothing, and without that, his actions were pointless, unsatisfactory. She wouldn’t break. 

Finally, and most reluctantly, he released her, and stepped back. 

Sliding from the desk confidently, as though her heart was not racing with the rush of relief, she pointedly ignored the sudden spasms in her wrists as the blood surged back unimpeded. For a moment, they were both at a standstill, for the first time their mutual dislike evident. 

“Kashyk, I always knew exactly who you are, and what you’re capable of. It is you who underestimated me.” Kathryn spoke quite calmly, making sure he took in each and every one of her quiet words, and it couldn’t have been clearer that she was entirely done with letting him think he had any control over her. She gave him one last, unimpressed look. 

“You are not the only one who knows how to play the game. If you’re not willing to get burned, Kashyk, don’t play at all.” 

His eyes darkened in anger, though he was restrained enough to control it as she strode past him as if he wasn’t there, hand tapping her combadge as she headed back to the bridge. 

“Janeway to Chakotay. The inspection is over; please instruct the bridge crew to return to their stations. I want to be ready to leave as soon as possible.” 

Behind her, Kashyk snapped at Prax to return to the bridge. 

*** 

“I'll order Janeway and her crew removed. We'll confiscate the vessel, deliver them to the nearest detention centre.” 

"You're dismissed.” Kashyks voice was little more than a snarl as he glared at Prax. 

"Imperative twelve, codicil six requires-” 

“To hell with protocol, Prax! Do you think either of us will benefit from having this failure on our records? As far as you're concerned, this incident never occurred. Make sure your teams share that understanding. Now leave.” 

It was clear that this turn of events had disturbed him significantly, disgust at his own failure creeping under his skin, breaking through his usual wall of arrogant calm. But he was far too experienced to let his control slip for longer than a few seconds, and he rapidly fell back into his usual manner. As he watched the bridge crew filing past him to their stations, a new glimmer flashed in his eyes as he determined his next step. She had placed him in check, but he could still choose to make one last move even though it would end in defeat. 

“Well, you certainly gave a masterful performance. Congratulations Captain, I must admit, you played the game superbly; such a natural talent for deceit and manipulation is to be admired. You would have made a most fitting inspector, had you been born Devoran, of course.” 

“I had to take a few precautions to protect my crew, I’m sure you understand my responsibility to them. And I doubt that very much; where I come from, we try to learn from those who are different from us, not eradicate them.” 

“Of course, your precious Federation with their moral and ethical regulations would _never_ allow persecution of any peoples based purely on their differences, I’m sure. I must admit, it has been fascinating to learn about the restrictions you are bound by, but it seems our time together has come to an end. The bridge is yours.” 

He retreated to the turbolift as though he was done, but at the last minute, his arm prevented the doors from closing. 

“Though I do admit to possessing curiosity about something we didn’t cover, despite how _generous_ you have been with your time. Perhaps you could enlighten me? I can’t help but wonder if it is standard protocol for Starfleet captains to attempt to gain an advantage by whoring themselves, or if that's a pleasure reserved exclusively for you, Kathryn? It doesn’t quite seem to fit with what you have told me about Starfleet; I do wonder how they would feel about it. But then, perhaps it’s to be expected from a captain who lets her first officer fuck her like a bitch in heat. Did you tell him what you were doing, so he could imagine my hands on you, or did you turn your remarkable talent for deception towards him, too? I can’t imagine it’s the former; no self-respecting man would allow his woman to behave the way you have, and having tasted the pleasure of your body myself, I can’t say you are worth making an exception for. But then again, I suppose there are perks to having the captain’s ear.” 

Kashyk grinned maliciously at Kathryn as she surveyed him, stone-faced, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of knowing his blow had landed exactly where he wanted. As unreadable as she was, his claims might have been plausibly denied, were she of the mind to do so; however, Chakotay’s face was as good as a confession. Filled with fury at this attack on Kathryn, he was every bit the angry warrior he once had been. Automatically, he took a step towards Kashyk, only to be stilled by her small hand on his shoulder. 

“Goodbye, Kathryn. It's been...a pleasure.” 

His wicked smirk was the last thing they saw as the doors slid shut. 

He might have lost the war, but he was damn sure not going to be the only one with casualties. 


	13. Unity

The bridge was dead silent, and Kathryn had to admit it was to the credit of her crew that not a single person had stopped what they were doing to look at her, though there was no doubt that every one of them had clearly heard and understood. 

She took a calming breath, just about managing to hold everything together, though it was impossible to prevent the faint tinge of pink across her cheeks. At that moment, the thing she most wanted to do was retreat to her ready room, but instead, she settled into her command chair, motioning for Chakotay to do the same. It would have been profoundly unfair for her to abandon him, clearly feeling the effects of Kashyk’s words at least as much as her, and expecting him to look after the bridge while she hid. Being in this together went both ways, after all. 

Additionally, she refused to let anyone, especially Kashyk, drive her from her bridge. This was exactly where she belonged, and this was where she was going to be the moment they crossed that border, even if it meant enduring for a little longer the slightly awkward silence. And so, she did what she always did when she felt lost; she took back control. 

“Mr Paris, the second they are off Voyager, maximum warp toward the Devoran border.” 

“Yes, Captain.” 

This moment of normality seemed to break the tension slightly, and the low buzz of work talk slowly began to replace the silence. 

When the transporter room notified the bridge that all the Devore had departed, Tom glanced back at her, and though her eyes were focused on the ship that could be seen in the viewport, there was barely a moment of hesitation. 

“Do it.” 

He was the only one that noticed the briefest brushing together of their outstretched fingers as she gave the order. 

*** 

When they finally crossed the border, it barely felt real, so conditioned were they to the endless tension and worry that was their time in Devoran space. Smiling encouragingly at Chakotay, who by now had regained control of his anger, Kathryn allowed him to make the announcement to the crew; this was every bit as much his triumph as it was hers. 

“Mr Kim, set co-ordinates for our new rendezvous point, it's time to get our chief of security back.” 

It would take several hours before they would reach their destination, and with little expected until then, perhaps now would be an acceptable time for her to recuse herself briefly. Glancing at Chakotay across the console, she easily picked up the slight nod he gave her, clearly already understanding what she was thinking, and gratefully, she rose from her seat. 

“Commander, you have the bridge.” 

And then she excused herself to her ready room. 

*** 

As the door closed behind her, she collapsed back against the wall, sliding slowly down until she rested on the floor, both knees pulled up against her chest as she finally let go of everything she was trying to hold together. 

Despite what Kashyk might believe, she couldn’t care less what Starfleet would think about her behaviour. Voyager and its crew had finally escaped from Devoran space, a feat that had seemed almost impossible at many points during their long passage. If they wanted to condemn her for her less than orthodox actions, she would be the first to stand up and defend what she had done. At the end of the day, her crew were worth more than the approval of anyone, and she couldn’t have lived with herself if she had given less than her all to protect them. 

But that didn’t mean she was comfortable with the cost of their freedom being public knowledge on the ship. She was, and always had been, a very private person, and Kashyk had known exactly what he was doing as he chose to reveal the things he knew about her that she wouldn’t want her crew to hear. 

Well, if that intimate knowledge of her was the only price of their victory, she supposed it could have been a lot worse. Even until the end, she had never discounted the possibility that he still held something in reserve, a counterpoint to her own concealed plans. 

Of course, it wasn’t quite as simple as that, she wasn’t the only one his words cut. Like a wounded animal, Kashyk had lashed out in fury, determined to deal as much hurt as possible while he still could. As if he had realised that what his words would do to Chakotay would hurt her far more than they could do directly. Though Kashyk was wrong to assume Chakotay hadn’t known, she could only imagine what it must have been like to hear it from his lips, the dark look in his eyes as he reminded Chakotay of what the cost of playing this game had been. 

Without warning, she was stricken by an unexpected rush of emotions, and in seconds, she was overwhelmed by the strength of her sobs, suddenly aware of the strain and stress that had built inside her, pushed down deep where it couldn’t come between her and what she had had to do. The abrupt feeling of relief that finally she was free from him, from the double life that had been hers for an unendurably long time. Though she had not allowed herself to obsess over it at the time, the realisation felt like a huge weight had been removed from her shoulders. It would be a while before the ghost of him left her completely, but at least for now, she would appreciate the absence of the looming promise of his presence which had never been far away. 

When, finally, she had no more tears left, she felt strengthened, more like herself again. Wiping her face, she rose to her feet and moved to look out the viewport into the dark expanse of Devore-free space. 

There was no way to think of their voyage through Devoran territory as anything other than a waking nightmare, every trial she had had to endure burned brightly into her mind. At times, she had felt like she was losing herself, or parts of her, anyway, and she knew the wounds would take time to heal completely. But they were here, finally, they had made it through to the other side. 

And for all the sacrifices she had had to make, she had also found something she had almost let slip away. 

As though the mere thought of him was enough to summon his presence, her door chimed, and she gladly allowed entrance. There had never been so much as a single moment when she had believed he wouldn’t come. While there was no doubt that Kashyk had hurt them both, he could never have understood the depth of the bond between them, of the strength that could only exist because of their absolute trust in each other. He had done his best to destroy what they had, but while his name would be left behind, relegated only to an unpleasant memory, the love they had for each other would never be forgotten. 

Kathryn smiled as she felt his warmth settle behind her, arms wrapping protectively over her shoulders as he pulled her close, his head resting over her shoulder next to hers as he joined her in gazing outwards. They knew each other well enough that words were not needed, that simply being together was enough. 

Finally, this was how it should be. Just the two of them, resolutely picking their trail across the stars, as together, they sought to bring Voyager home. 

Soon, Kathryn knew, she would have to return to the bridge, and deal with the fallout of their time spent in Devoran space. 

But not yet. 

Chakotay pressed a soft kiss against the side of her head, and her hands came up to sit over his, holding them firmly where they rested over her heart. 

And not alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we are finally at the end, and I must admit, I'm having a little trouble letting this one go, it has been so much fun to write. I really hope you have enjoyed it too, and thank you all so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Star Trek: Voyager and all its characters belong to Paramount Pictures/CBS; no infringement of copyright is intended.


End file.
